My prayer to my wife

So since two of the three of my roommates are either engaged or going to be soon marriage has been on my mind. I am not ready for marriage at all but I feel kind of pressured into getting married unintentionally by my roommates. I know that there is a perfect woman out there for me and I need to rely on God to provide her for me when his time is RIGHT!!! So my mom sent me a little prayer that I love dearly and so I personalized it for my future wife:

Lord, I pray that You will send the perfect marriage partner for me. Send the right wife at the perfect time, and give me a clear leading from You as to who it is. I pray that I will be submissive enough to hear Your voice when it comes time to make a marriage decision, and that I will make that decision based on what You are saying and not just fleshly desire. I pray that I will trust You with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; that I will acknowledge You in all my ways so that You will direct my path (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Prepare that person who will make the perfect wife for me. Help me to know the difference between simply falling in love and knowing for certain this is the person with whom You want me to spend the rest of my life. If I become attracted to someone I should not marry, I pray that You, Lord, would cut off the relationship. Help me to realize that unless You are at the center of our marriage, it will never stand. Unless You bless it, it won't be blessed. For Your Word says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1). I pray that You would build our marriage around which our house is established.

When I do find the right one to marry, I pray that person will be a godly and devoted servant of Yours, who loves You and lives Your way, and will be like a daughter to my mom and a blessing to all other family members. Once I am married, let there be no divorce in my future. May there never be mental, emotional, or physical abuse of any kind, but rather mental, emotional, and physical unity that is never touched by division. I pray for our deliverance from any spirit of divorce, separation, or disunity that would attempt to drive a wedge into our relationship. Give us each a strong desire to live in fidelity, and remove any temptation to infidelity. May I have one mate for life, who is also my closest friend. May we be mutually loyal, compassionate, considerate, sensitive, respectful, affectionate, forgiving, supportive, caring and loving toward each other all the days of our lives. AMEN.

The draw backs of life

Fist off, this has nothing to do with this blog but I gave my talk today at church about Honduras and it was unreal how much I learned from the trip that I didn't even realize until I got up and spoke. I am wanting to go back to Honduras this coming May. Keep me in your prayers as I try and discern if this is what God really wants me to do.
Ok, now to the blog. So today was a good day until my little sister asked me to talk to her about something she is dealing with. She has been struggling with a friendship with one of her girlfriends and her friend doesn't want to be her friend because she is always negative and sad. She wanted to know why she is so sad and negative. I could have told her that she is a hormonal teenager and that is why she acts like that however, I opted to go the spiritual route because I feel like this route was more fitting for her situation. I asked her if she was sad becuase she was trying everything she could to run away from God's calling on her life. I used what I knew to try and reach her. When I was her age I was running away from God and I eventually hit rock bottom 4 years after I started running. The reason this is the draw back is because she responded God has nothing to do with why I am sad... this really hurt. My little sister who has seen what happened to me when I didn't have Christ still refuses to realize that without Christ in my life that I would be a wreck that no one would want to have around them.
I have been dealing with a lot recently as far as spiritual stuff goes. I know what God expects from me and I am not living up to his expectations. The more I let God down the more I allow myself to drop back to my old ways. I am not dropping back to where I was because I have been made into a new creation through Christ, but I need to quit trying to do things on my own. I need to rely on the Christian community to help me get through this small bog in my life. I am lost for words right now and becuase of that I am peacing out. Fly with Christ!!!!

A Heart for a Mission

Well, this is my first blog and I have a lot to share but I don't know where to begin. I guess I can start with just sharing a little bit about me. I wasn't a Christian until I was 18 and a Freshman in College. In high school I did a lot of drugs and made a lot of horrible decisions that I now regret. I went to a Christian school because it was close and easy and my plans were to transfer in between semesters... it didn't happen, God spoke to me before I had the chance to consider transferring. This is really where my story begins. I struggled with a lot of self- image issues and insecurities, and because of those I have allowed my life to be harder than it really is. I through the years in college have been having a heart for international missions. I finally was given the opportunity to go and I want to go back and stay. I went to Honduras and from the moment I met the Host missionaries I felt at home. I spent an amazing week in Honduras spending a lot of time with the local Pastors and their families. There was not one moment where I felt out of place and everything seemed to run smoothly. Then came the flight back... this was a sad day in my life and it seemed to get worse the further from Honduras I got. We landed in Atlanta and got off the plane and that was when I realized that I was only made to live in America for so long. My days here are numbered and I don't know when God will tell me to "Go" but I patiently wait for that day. The reason I named this blog a heart for a mission is because I don't know what my mission is going to be yet, I know that I have a lot of passions in life and I am sure that my passions will be involved with my mission somehow. I have a lot of other stuff that I would like to share but... I need to let this soak into the screen for a day. God bless to all of you readers and may you see the Joy of the Lord this day. Hasta Luego